This is a general timeline of my ex's, or rather of people I have dated. I will not be posting their names. Instead, I will post a descriptive phrase as a substitute for each one's name.
High School Sweetheart
Or should I call him my high school broken heart? I had such a soft spot in my heart for this guy. He was the life of the party, always goofing around and making fun of everyone. Being around him took my mind off everything else that was going on in my life. I hoped he would ask me out, but my impatience got the best of me and I asked him out. Not much changed after that; we hung out more and I got to hold his hand.
I'm not really sure why we broke up. He remembers it differently than I do. He remembers it as I broke up with him. I remember it as us having a discussion during school, where he told me he didn't want "permanence," whatever that meant. Pretty much I thought he was breaking up with me, but then he kept saying it was my decision. That day I went home from school utterly confused and feeling heart broken.
I cried my eyes out for hours. My mother was bewildered and didn't know what to do other than to try to listen. I was so upset because the first serious conversation that he and I had was him breaking up with me and then saying that it was my decision. I felt that he had already made his decision. Why would I be with someone who didn't want to be with me? After talking to my mom, I figured the best thing to do was tell him we were over.
The next day, I still felt like crap. I went to school, asked to talk to him and told him we were broken up. I felt miserable after that. A couple weeks went by, I saw him with another girl (she was so trashy looking). I couldn't believe it. The sight of them almost made me puke up my lunch. This moment proved my mother right; "Men are scum." After that, I closed off my heart. I wasn't letting anyone in.
Leather Jacket and Tight Jeans
He was in one of my college classes. I thought he was hot in a bad boy way with his black leather jacket and tight jeans. Turns out, he was one of those guys who are hot until they open their mouth and talk. The extent of our relationship was making out in his truck. The crack that sunk the ship was he called me late one night totally drunk and wanted to bone something.
The next time I saw him, I blew a fuse! I told him how rude and disrespectful he was to me on the phone. I pretty much told him to fuck off and never talk to me again.
I met him while working on a construction site. My first thoughts after meeting him were, "Wow! And I thought I was the most stubborn, sarcastic person I ever met!" He was a little over twice my age, but I didn't care. The only thing that annoyed me was when he called me "young lady."
Crazy but Lovable
Usually I don't date guys after I find out they've done drugs. I stear clear of addicts like they are the plague. On our second date, he told me he smoked marijuana and asked me if that was a problem. Looking at him, that explained a lot... like his laid back personality. I told him it didn't bother me as long as that's all it was. (It turns out that he's done shrooms, and I bet he's done other drugs he didn't tell me about.) I've never gotten along with someone so well. We had fun wherever we went. He even liked my disturbing jokes and goofy sayings.
The first time I went over to his house, the experience was surprising,,, to say the least. There was clutter in the doorway, not just shoes but actual furniture like a big tv in a dusty tv cabinet. I took off my shoes before realizing that the carpet was dirty and stained. I was horrified after he told me that stain had been there for years; apparently, his friend had a bad reaction to shrooms. We sat on the couch. I tried to deal with it because I was on a personal self-improvement mission to be less judgmental and controlling. He told me that they haven't vacuumed in years because their vacuum is broken (due to the shroom guy's puke). I looked around feeling kinda itchy at the sight of the place. The last straw was when I saw a cockroach! His reaction to seeing the cockroach was a shrug. I had to leave... I got up and put my shoes on. As I was tying my shoes, there was yet another cockroach crawling around the shoe pile.
He followed me out asking what was wrong. I told him nothing and that I just think we should meet somewhere else. He asked me if I was ashamed of him and he started crying, which made me feel bad. In the next few days, he told me he bought a vacuum and that his dad took the furniture that was in the doorway.
One of the things that bothered me was the stubborn way he argued with me. It was like arguing with myself. One time, we had a riddiculous argument about computer science versus computer engineering. He said they were the same; I said they were different.
The Nicest Guy
He is seriously the nicest guy I have ever met. He is nice to everyone. He reminds me of myself back in middle school, when I was super nice to everyone (to the point of being a doormat) and super shy/quiet. When I first met him, he told me he was a "realist." Usually I stear clear of people who say they are realists, because that's crap! No one is a realist.
Our first date was at a Thai restaurant close to the university. We both lived on campus. So we walked to the restaurant together and had dinner. When it came time to pay the bill, I offered to pay half. At the time, I was a strong feminist and I wouldn't even let him hold the door open for me. He paid the bill. So I insisted on at least paying the tip. He was like no, no, no that's okay. However, I insisted and put tip down on the table anyway. We proceeded to leave the restaurant, and he picked my tip up and tried to give it back to me. I refused to take my tip back; he was just going to have to keep it.
As we walked back to campus, he kept trying to give me my money back. He went so far as to stuff it in the hood of my sweatshirt. I then dropped the money on the ground. I told him to just throw the money away if he wasn't going to take it. He picked up the money and started jumping up and down in front of me, still trying to get me to take it back. I started to realize I didn't know him that well and he was acting crazy. His odd behavior freaked me out, and I kicked him in the nuts.
He fell to the ground, and I immediately felt bad that I had kicked him. I asked him if he was okay. I told him he was acting crazy and that's why I kicked him in the nuts. He said he was fine. I believe after that he stopped trying to give me my money back.
The only thing that bothers me about him is that he is so reserved. He doesn't say much and has difficulty expressing himself. When communication is the number one thing in a relationship, this presents a problem.
Despite our problems, he has stolen my heart.
Dating different people helped me decide what I really want in a relationship. I've dated different types of guys ...and had a number of interesting experiences. I find that what's most important to me is that they have drive or ambition and they know how to listen and also share their thoughts. Finding someone who knows how to have fun but also knows when to be serious is also important to me.
My advice to someone currently in the dating game is to take things slow, especially when it comes to intimacy. It is important to find out whether or not you are compatible before getting into a full-fledged relationship. Hopefully you find someone who truly cares about you and makes you happy. :)