In high school, I really liked skater boys, their spiked hair, skater clothes, and the fact that they could skateboard. I decided that I wanted to hang out with them. But what would we have to talk about? I figured the key to being accepted by them was to listen to the same music. I started listening to rock and metal music, like Papa Roach and Slipknot. I had a headache for a straight month, but I was determined to fit in with the skater boys. After listening to rock/metal music, I realized there weren't drums and guitars in pop music and wondered how pop music was made without instruments. The more I listened to rock and metal, the more silly pop “musicians” looked. I found that I identified more with the lyrics in rock music. I didn’t care about popularity or looking like everyone else. I got really into the band Powerman 5000 (or Pm5k for short). I even made "Pm5k" clothes. I sewed black lace onto a black jean cutoff skirt and painted the Pm5k scull on the pocket. I also took an old blue jean jacket (pictured to the right) and painted Pm5k stuff all over the back and front. It was a badass jacket. When I felt like liberty spiking my hair, I would wear my badass jacket to school.
My mother was horrified at what I wore out. I didn't do it to get on her nerves; that was just an added bonus. ;) Before high school, I was quote "the perfect child," according to my mother. As I got older, I decided I didn't want to be a doormat any more, because it sucked. Nobody respects a doormat. I decided I wanted more from life.
This time in my life was very important to me, because this is when I really started to change myself. I was determined to not make the same mistakes as my parents. My mother raised me to courteous and put others' happiness and comfort above my own. She taught me to not expect anything in return. She didn't demand respect. I felt there was something wrong with that. This is part of the reason why I am the person I am today. I strive to be successful, and I urge others to demand respect in their lives.
Despite the vow I made at eight years old to never be anything like my parents, I find that, as I become older, I grow more and more like them. Or perhaps I am just seeing them for who they really are, and I see their likeness in me. Today, I am not entirely repulsed by the idea of being similar to my parents. They are my parents after all. I have discovered that my real fear is of failure. I am deeply afraid of not being successful and even more afraid of being in a failed relationship.
You are absolutely an incredible person, it's amazing you're so insightful!
ReplyDeleteThanks, David. :)
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